..ready to share..

This post is more of a GET IT OFF MY CHEST/READY TO SHARE post!! Sooooooo, i'm not trying to sound selffish or anything, because I know there are people out there that are NOT ABLE to experience the whole "pregnancy" thing, and enjoy the "JOYS" of giving birth to your own child, and bringing that little spirit into this CRAZY WORLD...trust me, if I could, I would be a surrogate for some of you, but with how sick I get, I just can't!! :(

Moving on, as of right now, I have 3 children....2 girls, & my lil' man! In late July, I missed my period, and took a HPT which turned out to be positive! I wasn't sure, so i did like 4 more tests, and they all turned out positive!! And no, I didn't spend all my money on those pricey tests, I just went to the DOLLAR TREE here, and they sell pregnancy tests for only $1....and when you go to THE WOMEN'S CLINIC here, they use the EXACT same test too! The nurse there told me that if I get a positive on one of them cheapy tests, it's most likely to be right....so I took her up on it! So it was confirmed that I was pregnant, and was due to give birth in March 2011. I was excited!!! I LOVE BABIES, always have, since I was a little girl. Anyways, it was August, I hadn't been to a doctor yet because I was waiting for my medicaid card to come in the mail, and me & my 3 kids were getting ready to fly to UTAH for my cousin's wedding. As soon as AUGUST came, I noticed that I had started spotting a little....then spotting ALOT....then FULL ON bleeding. So on Sunday, August 8, 2010, my husband took me in to the emergency room just to check if everything was ok. I already thought I lost the baby, but when they did an ultrasound(which I couldn't even watch) they told me that everything was ok, baby was fine, and had a heartbeat! WHEW, i was somewhat relieved, but was still very ADAMANT about taking my trip to UTAH to be with MY FAMILY!

Ofcourse, before we left the hospital, my husband had me ask the doctor if it was still ok for ME to fly in my condition....mind you, MY HUSBAND WAS TOTALLY AGAINST ME EVEN GOING, which is very understandable! Anyways, the nurse told me that it should be just fine, as long as I stay hydrated during the flight, because with the cabin pressure of the plane, I can get really dehydrated, and that is not a good thing! So, the next morning, we were scheduled to depart KANSAS CITY, and before my husband left for work, he begged me not to go one last time, but I SAID "NO"...and it's probably something that I'll never forgive myself for EVER!!!!!!!! So we left MISSOURI, heading for UTAH...and i followed the nurse's advice about staying hydrated during the flight. As soon as we landed in UTAH, i just had a bad feeling that something was going to go very wrong!! We met my mom by the baggage claim, and started on our way to their home in OREM, which is, depending on traffic, about a 45min drive from the airport. So, as we were driving, I started having light contractions...and I thought, OH NO, please don't do this!!!!! The bumpy roads weren't helping it AT ALL either, so you can only imagine how i felt. As soon as we pulled into my parents driveway, I opened my door, stood up to get out of the car...but as soon as I stood up, blood just came gushing out all over my legs....(sorry, TMI, i know!!!) All I said to my mom was, "MOM, YOU NEED TO TAKE ME TO THE ER, NOW!!!" But ofcourse I wasn't gonna go with all that blood all over me, so I went inside to wash off and change my clothes. To make a long story short, we spent the whole evening in the ER, mostly just waiting for doctors to show up, but when they did a vaginal ultrasound, they found NO HEARTBEAT anymore :( At the time, the only thing I could think of was, OH NO, MY HUSBAND IS GOING TO BE SO UPSET WITH ME!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!??!! I couldn't even work up the courage to call him and tell him what happened...i had to text my sis-in-law and have her tell him for me!!! He did not want to talk to me, in fact, didn't want me to COME BACK!!! But in the early morning hours the next day, he called me and we cried together on the phone...he was very hurt, and I don't blame him for being upset with me!!! He was able to forgive me, and we talked things over....we now plan to TRY and make a trip out to UTAH every year to visit the resting spot of our ANGEL BABY, which BTW, is at my parents home!! (The doctor said that I PASSED everything in the ER, but the next day, I passed something that WAS NOT A BLOOD CLOT....so I got a little trinket box and buried it in parent's backyard!!!)

Anyhow, I NEVER, EVER, EVER thought it would ever happen to me!!! But it did....and some days, I regret taking that trip!! My mom later told me that I could have called the airline and had my ticket changed with NO FEES charged if I had notice from my doctor, WHICH I WISH I HAD KNOWN SOONER, but what can we do??!!? I will always remember my lil' ANGEL baby!!! And now, I am 17 weeks pregnant again, this time, everything is going well!! I find out what I'm having on the 30th of this month, due to give birth in MAY 2011...so we're excited!!!